Derek randomly seeing my name and looking me up was the divine's greatest gift at this point in my life. It was what finally woke me up to the fact that I deserved better. I’ll always be grateful for Derek asking the hard questions, like why are you allowing this? Small comments meant as concern were powerful fuel for me. Even just conversations about how I was when we were growing up rebuilt that fire inside me. Derek helped me start healing; he showed me love and kindness a

We talked and agreed to try to work things out. The year of working things out just made more of a mess. Every attempt to reconnect just left me feeling more disappointed and overlooked. I had started my weight loss journey at 354 lbs, and I had finally reached onederland. My gynecologist finally agreed to the hysterectomy I had asked for after Olivia was born. Not just to not have more kids, but because of hormone disorders and endometriosis. I was fed up with the added pain

Right before symptoms started showing, my life was school, and Liam. In that boredom, I found Game of War. That game changed the next 12 years of my life. While playing and joining an alliance, I met the man I would eventually marry. Around the time we met, he had recently lost his dad, and while we were getting to know each other, I lost my grandfather. I was failing out of civil engineering; I felt like my world was falling apart. Yet he was supportive, listened, and I kept

No matter how much I followed some Wiccan beliefs, I could never truly let go of God and the church, and this was a huge struggle for me. Not only was I having a child out of wedlock, I didn't even know for sure who the father was. I hid my pregnancy for as long as I could. I even drank fake liquor with my pregnant cousin, hoping no one would know. By morning everyone knew. Then the speculation began. I had people questioning who his father was everywhere, and every time I ha

We all had dreams most of them revolved around the Canadian Armed forces and I was just as determined to lose enough weight, and build enough muscle to breeze through basic. I was going to be an aircraft mechanic whether everyone around me liked it or not. I’m guessing that wasn't part of the divine's plans because during a training session I damaged my lower back. I was 18 years old and I was going to have back pain for life. I did Physio, and massage therapy. Between the tw

The first year of high school was not what I would call fun. I wasn’t what you would call a feminine woman, I was plus size, but with the way I was built I never felt feminine. I was already in the cadet system at this point, lived in uniforms or olive drab. My interests were tearing apart engines, riding sleds, hiking & camping.  I was a tomboy through and through. On the other side Blues Music, and the bagpipes. I read voraciously. I loved to dance and just feel the music

Look, this story isn't pretty, and it may hurt some people's feelings, but I've held this in for over 20 years, too afraid to speak, too afraid to truly look at myself. Through the last couple of years, I've had to face my past in order to move forward. After my marriage, I really had to sit with myself. I had to find myself, and really it was a string I partially wish I never tugged on. As I reflected on my patterns, I also had to look at why I keep doing this. The unfortuna